i can’t even appreciate the beauty of the sunrise after staying up all night because it’s just like. fuck. there it is. there’s the sun. i fucked up. why am i laughing. nothing is funny. the sun is there and it’s harshly reprimanding me for being awake all night. “this is the life you’ve chosen for yourself fucker” it says. i’m not laughing. i’m crying. there’s the fucking sun
sext: you look like the universe decided that it was tired of being so immense so it compressed all of its beauty and complexity and wonder into a smaller form so it could make everyone around it feel like they were a part of the stars
Sephora, I love you, but you’re bringing me down. I don’t have the hard cash to be throwing at you and your 36 dollar bronzers, eyelash primers, lip plumpers, and whatever the fuck else your beautiful playground has to offer. I can splurge on you, sure, but when it comes to everyday makeup, I need things to be a little more my budget. My budget is 99 cent Hot Cheetos and individual bottles of Bud Light Platinum at the bodega, just so you know. That’s why I love drugstores. The quality is still 10/10 if you know where to look. And I can put my money where it matters, in my bra and out to bars. Here’s my list of the 10 best drugstore products that you can find at any drugstore, Target, Kmart, etc. No speciality stores, here:
1. Maybelline Volum’ Express The Rocket Mascara (7.99) I used to swear by Great Lash, but not after I found this little baby girl. This stuff separates your lashes without giving them that horrifying Spider Snooki Clump Parade. The brush is workable around your lower lashes without sending you smearing it all over your face like Lady Gaga’s Appluase vid. It’s a pretty solid dupe for Benefit Great Lash, and here’s the thing: I like it BETTER. Plus the bottle is so bright you can actually find it in my hell pit of a room.
2. Maybelline Color Tattoo Metal In Barely Branded (5.99) Do you use eyelid primer? I did, when I got a tiny little sample of it once, until I realized it was 28 bucks and I’m not Leo DiCaprio in Wolf Of Wall Street. Then, this angel came along. It works exactly like Urban Decay’s Eyelid Primer in Sin, which every makeup Youtube on Guru sacrifices goats for. It’s shimmery and pretty and works well underneath other eyeshadows but still looks great alone. It’s a nice neutral white-ish beige, very Nature Fairy Queen. And no creases! No fuckin’ creases! I got no time for creases cuz once I’m out, I don’t look at mirrors.
3. Rimmel Scandal Eyes Kohl Eyeliner (3.99) I swear by this stuff, specifically the nude eyeliner. Put that shit on your waterline and you won’t look like you’ve been on a bender of white wine and House of Cards on Netflix till 4am the night before. It’s creamier than fucking Phish Food, applies like soft butter, and smudges really easily for a smoky eye look. Does tend to get in the crease of my eye if I do a cat eye with it, but schlep a little powder on that area and you’re good to go.
4. For Dark and Yellow-Toned Skin: The Maybelline FIT Me Shine Free Line (7-8.99) If you’re yellow-based like I am, olive-toned, or darker, this is the line for you. Every fuckin’ drugstore line tends to be more pink/pale based, and I always look sickly and Beth-like from Little Women. Not this stuff! This stuff is made of social justice warriors on Tumblr, cuz it doesn’t forget us minority types. I looorrvee the foundation stick when my skin is breaking out or oily, it has light coverage for daytime and mattifies very well. The cream foundation is great for heavier coverage and drier skin, as it doesn’t highlight the rough patches. Go at it, you Pocahontas Tiana Mulan Princesses!
5. For Pale and Pink-Toned Skin: CoverGirl Outlast Stay Fabulous 3-in-1 Foundation (8.99) Of course I wouldn’t forget you sweet little peach-faces! This line has better options for lighter skin, isn’t too heavy, blends very well, AND! It also has more coverage, ie why it calls itself a “3-1” deal. That means you covers your pimples and red marks and it doesn’t wear out halfway through the day. Don’t fear the mirror at 12am on a Saturday on Ladies Night. Look, you’ll look effin’ flawless and drunk girls will tell you you look like a baby doll on the bathroom line.
imagine a pacific rim video game with really great character customisation and you start in jaeger training or something and instead of romance options there’s drift compatibility and the person you get as a partner depends on which dialogue choices you pick throughout all of your training and instead of classes there’s different types of jaeger and THEN YOU GO KICK SOME KAIJU ASS